Caitlin.

Sometimes I think that I have the most retarded job ever, but then I remember that if my job wasn't really draining and frustrating, I probably would not make enough to be able to afford my lifestyle whilst only working two or three days a week.  I guess it's not all THAT bad.

I've been making an effort to be more creative, and do more creative things, which in turn has made me happier.  I think that it has also resulted in me being sort of a slob.

I kind of want to make a Tumblr.

"and I'm not my body, or how I choose to destroy it."

I love that I'm constantly looking out my windows.  I feel like I've crawled out of  a cave, and now I'm climbing.

I'm an RN now.  I passed my boards with the minimum number of questions. Go me.

Not going home for Easter.  I worked a twelve-hour overnight last night and go back again tonight, so it would just be a hassle and  I would tire myself out if I drove all the way to my parents' and back.

If I had an extra $1,075 lying around, I would buy these:

Ohhh my god.  I'm about to go take NCLEX.

Mmmmm I bought marc by marc jacobs flats.

"Nurse Allison" funneling a black Sparks.

and


Fage with fruit tastes like cheesecake, and the new TLC flavors taste like pie.

Last night, I worked my first twelve-hour night shift. From now on, my full-time schedule will consist of three twelve-hour shifts a week, including one weekend per month. Working from 6:30PM until 7AM really isn't as bad as it sounds. The night moves along pretty quickly and there's usually always something to do. The hospital is much more peaceful at night; there are no visiting hours and doctors don't do rounds until the morning. There's more charting to do, since the night nurses are responsible for getting the next day's flow sheets all set, but there's a fair amount of time after 1 am where you can sit down and chart while most of your patients are asleep. I ended up getting home around 7:15 AM, and was able to sleep comfortably until 3 pm with a bandana around my eyes. I need to buy a dark curtain for my bedroom, and earplugs.

Today, I finished Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill.  I would highly recommend this novel.  It's the story of Baby, a twelve-year old daughter of a heroin addict widower.  The novel is written in first-person through Baby's eyes, and provides an insightful account of what it is like to be a poverty-stricken child exposed to sex and drugs well before her time.  What struck me the most about O'Neill's writing is the way in which she was able to speak with such child-like innocence about subjects that no child should be exposed to.  Beautiful.  

I received no Valentines, but I had a lovely patient today. He had a bedsore so deep that you could see his muscles. As I was changing the bandages on his bedsore, he had an attack of diarrhea so powerful that it sprayed all over me AND the wall. Luckily, I was wearing isolation gear. Honestly though, I do like my job so far. I don't get pooped on every day, and I'm learning a lot.

So I'm about a week and a half into my new job at Millard Fillmore Gates. The Orientation is crazy long and involved. I've worked almost 60 hours so far, and haven't even stepped onto my floor. I've just been taking in a lot of information and practicing everything from programming IV pumps to tying people to chairs. Tomorrow is my last day of general orientation, and then I will start precepting on my floor. I've yet to meet my preceptor but have been told she's very kind, so hopefully that all works out because I'm going to be spending a lot of time with her. Since my floor is a specialized telemetry and neuro intervention unit, I'm going to be paid to take extra classes in cardiac, respiratory and neurological assessment. I'm also going to have special "learning days" where instead of working, I'll get to watch open heart surgeries and special neuro procedures. I cannot wait to see open heart. I mean, it was cool to watch a C-section that one time but it will be way cooler to see the inside of someone's chest cavity.

The responsibility and legal accountability involved with my job is a bit scary, but I really feel that Kaleida is doing a pretty good job of making me feel comfortable and making sure I know everything that I need to. My wages and benefits make it pretty much worth it as well. (My health insurance is only costing me $24 a month!) They claim that the entire cost of training a new nurse is somewhere around $80,000, and with everything Ive been sitting through this past week, and all of the hours of precepting that have yet to come, I would believe it.

In other news, I had strep throat last week, and that sucked. I was on antibiotics and for the first time ever, experienced really nasty side effects from them. The antibiotics made me extremely nauseous, gave me nightmares, and made my face break out. Glad that's over with...

I guess that is everything new and exciting in my life...

I just ordered this print:




Perfect. Now I just need to find a good frame.

Happy New Year.

I went to Toronto for New Year's Eve. It was okay, but could have been a lot better.

I'm hoping that 2009 will prove to be a much better year than 2008. It's starting off better, I think. This week I will be starting my nursing job at Millard Fillmore Gates. I also have an appointment that will hopefully help certain issues in my life change toward the better. 2008 pretty much blew, though.

Dealing with all of my stuff at Gates has been so strange. The fact that I am starting what would be considered my "career" is sinking in very very slowly. A few days ago, I had to stop by the hospital to drop off some paperwork and thought about how strange it was to consider the fact that I now have a set of very specialized skills and knowledge that people are willing to pay me to use. Strange, and a bit intimidating at the same time. Can I do this? I feel so young compared to many of the other nurses.

PS- I just ordered leopard print and zebra print scrub tops! I ordered sky blue pants to go with the leopard and fuchsia pants to go with the zebra. I'm gonna be so stylin'! haha

So I did my part: I woke up early, shoveled my car out from its spot on one side of the road, and shoveled it into another spot on the other side. The city of Buffalo had better come plow my street now. This is getting ridiculous!

I haven't updated much lately because all Ive been doing is being sick and miserable. Doctors, doctors, doctorssss.

I did, however, manage to clean and rearrange my bedroom. It's so peaceful now.







When I haven't been too weak the past few weeks, I've had time to do things I haven't been able to in months without feeling guilty. I've read novels, went out to lunch with friends, sewn. It's nice being a college graduate. I do, however, start my new job soon. I'm pretty nervous about that...

Conversations between my 11-year-old sister and I:

"Caity, do you think you could get me into a bar?"
"No, Erin, not really. I don't think that a bar would serve you."
"What if you got me a fake ID and a fancy outfit from the mall?"
"I still don't think you would get in."
"Okay, what if I snuck in between you and Alex."
"You would get kicked out."
"BUT I JUST WANNA GET DRUNK!"
"Wait until you're fifteen, at least."
Yelling, to my dad, "Hey dad! Caity says she'll take me to a bar when I turn 15!"


Later that night:
Her: "Oh, my god. Carolyn and Alex are under a blanket together on the couch out there."
Me: "What if they're holding hands?!"
Her: "WHAT IF THEY'RE HOLDING BUTTS?!?!?!!"


This one was via text messages, with her using my other sister's phone:
"Hi Caity how many boys have you kissed?"
"About 7,512"
"oh my god are you joking????"
"Yes. It's actually way more."
"omg!"

I swear she is going to be one of the funniest people around when she's a little older. The way she picks up on when I'm joking about things and just goes along with it is hilarious. She volunteers once a week at the library, for something to do, and constantly takes breaks while she's there to email my mom about the "mean old lady" librarians.

Yesterday, I forgot my social security number. Wtf??

Happy Thanksgiving to anyone that gets excited about that kind of stuff.

Today, as I was cashing out a customer at work, I looked up to notice a woman that was ordering takeout snapping a photograph of me with her phone in a totally non-discreet manner. Apparently, she was taking a photograph of my hair to show her hairdresser. I'm sorry, but isn't that the sort of thing you ask permission to do?

I am so sick of my parents and their bullshit. It's BEAUTIFUL when you're in the middle of writing the longest paper ever to be due tomorrow and your father calls in an episode of selfishness to tell you about the latest developments in your parents' divorce proceedings. FUCK. Just let me finish college! I was finally starting to level out emotionally and feel happy again after the last time I had to tell them to leave me alone and let me live my life, and they have to wait until the heaviest week school-wise to spring all this nonsense on me again. As much as I love my family, I'm trying to make things happen for myself right now and cannot deal with hearing the play by play of my parents' endless and childish fighting. UGHH.

It's no wonder I don't have a boyfriend. I have way too many other people dumping THEIR relationship problems on me all the time.

Ran 5k without stopping today! I am so proud. In July, I couldn't run more than a block or two without walking one. Before July, I had never run more than a quarter mile in my life without stopping. I was a very inactive teenager; I had social anxiety disorder and it kept me from participating in gym class/ organized sports. So right now, even though I have HOURS of homework on my plate, and have to be in ECMC's burn unit from 5-11 tonight, I am very happy.

In other news, I have PMS really badly right now and have been in full bitch mode. I'm getting better at recognizing when I'm irritable and telling myself to bite my tongue and that the feelings will pass, but I still sometimes say really nasty things to people that I later regret. What's funny is that people that don't know me well always say things like, "I could never picture you being mean.", "I couldn't imagine you angry." or, "I never see you not smiling." It's true that I'm usually more upbeat than the general public when I'm out and about, but sometimes, I can be just plain nasty. I suppose I'm more passive aggressive than anything else, but often times I think passive aggressiveness can bother people more than being straight-up bitchy.

I feel like half of my livejournal entries just scream "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" but, whatever. You people don't HAVE to read them.